


Today for You

by KuroRiya



Series: Trans!Bertholdt [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Dysphoria, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Trans Bertholdt, Trans Male Character, but it's not actually sad, mild anxiety, pretty fun actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 17:02:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2659679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuroRiya/pseuds/KuroRiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a bid to forget his (mostly self-induced) misery, Bertholdt seeks to find himself some company for the night. And a strong, charismatic blonde may be just the person for the job, if only Bertholdt could work up the courage to share his secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Today for You

Why he always chose to go to gay bars, he'd never know. Though he definitely was interested in men, when they got any further than kissing... Well, men tended to lose interest pretty quick.

But, after the whole fiasco with Annie, he was in the market for pretty much anyone who was nothing like her.

That maybe needed some explaining: Bertholdt had been crushing on Annie Leonhardt for ages, had been doing his best to woo her, in his own nervous, sweaty way. And, after what felt like several lifetimes, it had seemed that she had finally begun to reciprocate his affections, actually initiating communication and seeking his company.

As he would later come to find out, she just wanted to get his help with asking someone else out, since it was an acquaintance of his. A few awkward conversations and a lot of crying later, he was informed that Annie was successfully dating one Mikasa Ackerman.

He wanted to be happy for her. And, in some corner of his heart, he was. And he knew that, given time, he'd get over her. He alway did. But at that exact moment, he was feeling bitter, spiteful, and extra queer.

Thus, his current state of awkwardly lingering by the bar and cautioning looks at the other patrons when he thought they weren't looking. For the most part, they weren't. Though he was definitely taller than average, he was otherwise unobtrusive and even unnoticeable, beyond an initial glance.

He glanced sheepishly at the bartender, the girl smiling sympathetically before gently sliding another rum and coke into his hand. The glass seemed almost ridiculously small in his big hands, but he was too nervous to laugh.

He should have just called Marco. He should have gotten in his little car and driven it up there and stayed with the freckled man and his boyfriend for a few days. That would have relieved his woes just as well as this bar run. Maybe more! If he would just think before-

"Hey there." A deep voice greeted. "Got someone buying you drinks yet?" It asked.

Bertholdt let his eyes skirt upwards, taking in powerful muscles, pale skin, eyes that shone bright gold even against his fair hair.

So, maybe he wasn't exactly the opposite of Annie; his hair and skin were very similar, if not exactly the same shade as Annie's. Not only that, his body was wound with enough strength that he might rival Annie. He'd always liked people that could intimidate him at least a little. It was an attractive threat.

This was an attractive man.

Bertholdt finally shook his head in response to the man's inquiry, earning a pleased grin that made golden eyes sparkle.

"Mind if I fill the position?" The blonde asked, gesturing to a couple of seats at the bar. So swept away in this man's charm was he that Bertholdt didn't even realize that he'd agreed until there was a fresh drink in his hand, a duplicate in the man's.

"Name's Reiner." He offered, his hand big, looking to be rather calloused, probably from some sort of work. Bertholdt wiped his sweaty palm on his jeans as discreetly as he could before taking the other. He liked the way that Reiner's hands could envelop his own, long fingers and all. That was incredibly rare.

"I'm Bertholdt." He returned softly, retracting his hand and taking a quick sip of his drink to alleviate some of his anxiety. Why was he so bad at this?

The other man nodded, confirming he'd taken the information in.

"Well, Bertl," He paused, pursing his lips for a moment. "Er, sorry, is it okay if I call you that?" He inquired.

Bertholdt should have said no, because only his friends called him that. Only his close friends, actually. But it just sounded oh so good spilling from those handsome lips, and he came to the shocking realization that he was nodding before he'd even had time to process the question itself. What a stunning smile he received in return.

"Fantastic. So, Bertl, I don't mean to be rude," He began. Bertholdt could feel his heart dropping into his stomach already, his fingers beginning to tremble just from the preamble to what he could only guess was about to be said.

How could he already have something rude to say? How could he know?

"But how on earth has someone as gorgeous as you been here alone all night?" Reiner finished.

Bertholdt took a deep breath, took another drink, told himself to calm down, told himself to ignore the voices in his head.

Because they know. He knows. You're disgusting. Who would want someone like you?

He forced himself to shrug, hoping for nonchalance even though his mind was racing now. Reiner mirrored the action, teeth showing as he chuckled.

"I'm hardly complaining, though. It was pretty lucky for me." He commented. Bertholdt felt his cheeks getting warm, and fretted as he realized that that probably meant he'd be even sweatier soon. Stupid nervous sweat. Why couldn't he just relax for once in his life?

You're in the wrong skin. It's not yours.

Ah, that was right. But he couldn't listen, because he needed to flirt his face off. If he had any chance of getting his sorrows fucked away, he needed to charm this man till he was seeing stars.

That was so much easier said than done.

He hadn't even noticed that he'd finished his drink in one hasty gulp until there was a fresh one before him. He knew he shouldn't have too much, but then… Marco always said he loosened up after enough liquor. And maybe if he got drunk enough, some of his awkwardness would melt away. And maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad when Reiner, inevitably, figured it out and left him in the dust.

He downed that one too, in one gulp, screwing his eyes shut against the burn before setting it down and sipping at some water. Reiner watched with a quirked brow, looking kind of impressed.

"For such a meek looking guy, you can really put it away." He commented. Another flush, because Bertholdt realized that he was probably coming off as a weird alcoholic or something. He needed to explain himself, but his brain had never been fast enough to come up with lies.

"I-I'm really bad at talking, and I thought maybe getting a little tipsy might help." He blurted, biting his lip in horror when he realized that he'd literally just said the most pathetic thing in the world. Reiner didn't seem fazed though, just laughing.

"I got that vibe. But you don't have to be good at talking to have a good conversation." He reasoned. Bertholdt blinked at that sentiment, and maybe he was already working up a buzz, because he couldn't quite wrap his mind around it. He didn't argue though, because Reiner could tell him the sky was green and he'd agree.

His desperation was probably unattractive, he concluded, finding that his attraction to this man was just that; desperation. He was doing this to forget Annie, and it was working. He hadn't even thought of her since Reiner sat down next to him. But using people felt wrong, he didn't like it. So he needed to reevaluate.

"So, um… Sorry to throw a line like this at you, but could you tell me about yourself?" He hoped, hoping that wasn't too cliché. It totally was. Who even said things like that?

Reiner just chuckled, nodding and taking a sip of his drink.

"I'm a nurse down at Rose General, just had my twenty-fifth, listen to the shittiest music on earth, and have a thing for tall, dark, and handsome." He replied, flashing a flirty smirk that should have been over-the-top, but resulted in frantic fluttering of Bertholdt's heart. God, where did he go right tonight?

It took a while for him to put together that he probably ought to recite a dating profile too, since he'd asked, and Reiner was looking at him expectantly.

"O-oh, uh, I-" He stuttered, fumbling for his drink to stall for time. It didn't help at all. "I-I work for a catering service, and I'm going to school right now too. I listen to soft rock-" he regretted admitting to that immediately because who the hell listens to that by choice, "Because I don't have an IPod." He amended, and that was true. He didn't mention that, even if he did, it would be full of Leanne Rhymes and Sixpence None the Richer. "I'll be twenty-four in December." He finished, eyes carefully trained on his hands, awaiting his appraisal.

"Well, shitty music aside, I think we could get along." Reiner said, feigning uncertainty. This elicited a small smile from the taller male, because that meant they were doing well. Reiner practically beamed. "Ah, you finally smiled! I guess I should insult your music taste more." He guessed, quirking a brow. That only made Bertholdt smile a bit bigger

At some point, he forgot to keep drinking, too caught up in what Reiner was saying and what he would reply with. It didn't matter though, since, after chatting for a while, he got a lot more comfortable and was able to make sentences longer than one word without prompting. That was something to be proud of, for him.

But it was getting late; There were very few people left in the bar, and his anxiety began to set back in when he realized that it was soon to be do or die. Either Reiner was going to take him home, or they were going to part ways. Both options made him nervous in their own way, but his hope for sharing a bed that night had him praying for the former.

It didn't take Reiner long to read his changed body language. He'd quickly proven to be astute at observing the exact way Bertholdt moved and translating that into how he was feeling. So, of course, he got the hint and stood up, nodding towards the door. Bertholdt scrambled to get up and follow him, checking himself twice for all of his belongings before actually exiting the bar.

They stood together on the sidewalk, and Reiner let out a little chuckle.

"I would say we should get a taxi, but I actually haven't had a drink in…" He glanced down at his watch, eyebrows rising in surprise. "Three hours, wow."

Bertholdt shared the sentiment.

"Well, I can definitely drive. The question is, are you riding with me, or?" Reiner trailed. Despite the autumn air rolling by in cool breezes, Bertholdt's face felt hot.

"U-Um, if it's alright with you-" He blurted, hands wringing together nervously at stomach level. Reiner reached out and carefully separated them, covering them with his own while he flashed another of those charming smiles, and Bertholdt swooned.

"Of course it is, Bertl. Come on, car's this way." He directed, keeping one of Bertholdt's hands trapped with his own, leading him towards the middle of the lot to a hideously mom-ish SUV. Bertholdt loved it.

Reiner opened the door for him, waiting till he was seated before closing it behind him and walking to the driver's side. He started the car after putting on his seatbelt, graciously opting not to turn the heat on, though it was pretty chilly outside. Bertholdt was thankful for it, though; he'd been born with a body meant for cold weather, so he always felt like he was combusting, especially in the summer. Autumn was his favorite time of year, since it was just cold enough outside that he could be comfortable.

After some searching, Reiner found a radio station that claimed to play soft rock, grinning cockily in Bertholdt's direction before pulling out of the space. Bertholdt made sure to turn his head so the other man couldn't see his eyes roll.

"Remind me in the morning to drop you off at your car." Reiner requested. "Or, uh… If you don't want to stay over, I can bring you back or take you home whenever. It's up to you."

Bertholdt smiled, because the blonde seemed to like it when he did that, and because he was grateful. He wondered if that offer would stand after the clothes started coming off, though.

The drive was mostly quiet, the sound of rejected hits occupying the air so they didn't need to converse. It wasn't till they'd pulled into the parking lot of a rather nice-looking apartment complex that they spoke.

"Alright, well, this is the place." Reiner announced, getting out of the car and letting Bertholdt out as well, nodding up towards the building and waiting till he was sure his new companion was following. As if Bertholdt would walk away from someone like this.

He was let inside of an apartment on the second floor, and there were a few seconds of darkness before Reiner flipped a switch and the overhead light came on to reveal a tidy living room that led into what looked to be a rather large kitchen down a small hallway. Bertholdt stared at it enviously for a moment before turning back to Reiner.

"It's a nice place." He commented quietly. That felt sort of out of place, and it was probably pretty weird to comment on the state of a stranger that you wanted to fuck's home. But Reiner just laughed, shrugging.

"It's as nice as I can afford, anyway. Glad you like it though." He offered, reaching out and easily capturing Bertholdt's hands before he even had time to fidget. "But you can check it out later. Right now, I'd really, really like to kiss you." He announced, then sheepishly, "If that's alright."

Bertholdt hadn't even managed a real nod before there were lips on his, big hands carefully angling his face down so they could kiss without too much trouble. It was exhilarating, as kissing always was for Bertholdt. For whatever reason, he could set his anxieties aside for a while when someone was kissing him.

Well, he could until there were hands on his hips, pulling him closer, looking for contact, and his mind cried out in alarm, reminding him that Reiner didn't know, that he needed to know, and that his hands were dancing dangerously close to his chest.

As much as he wished he didn't, he pulled back, gasping to get enough air to say what needed to be said.

"R-Reiner, I…" He began, trailing off as he realized that, even after all these years, he didn't know how to explain this.

The blonde looked concerned now, arms still poised in a position denoting his previous contact with the retreated brunette. He let them fall to his sides, frowning.

"Sorry, too much?" He wondered. And god, Bertholdt was swooning all over again, because it wasn't fair that someone so perfect could exist. Too much, he asked. If he only knew how much more Bertholdt wanted. Alas, first thing's first.

"That's not it." Bertholdt assured quickly, holding his hands up in hopes of abating the blonde's worry. It did seem to help. "I just… T-there's something I really should tell you before we… Do anything else." He explained, biting his lip as his eyes darted around apprehensively.

Reiner nodded, his posture signifying that he was prepared to listen to whatever the other had in store. But that only made it worse, and Bertholdt couldn't help an uneasy noise from his throat.

"Um, s-so, I really should have mentioned it earlier, but I… I guess I couldn't find the right moment to bring it up." He rambled, frowning. "Well, no, that's a lie. I-I sort of avoided it because you're super nice and so attractive and I didn't want to mess it up, but I really should have said something earlier, and I'm sorry, but I-" His voice cracked, raising a few octaves, and there went years of voice training. He would be surprised if Reiner couldn't put it together just from that.

The blonde took his hands again, holding them gently.

"Calm down, Bertl. Just tell me now." He urged, producing a reassuring smile.

Right, he wanted to know what was up. Bertholdt needed to stop stalling, but it was so hard, because he really just wanted to be kissed again, but it would have to wait.

"R-Right, sorry, um…" Another heavy pause as he searched for the words, desperately tried to play the conversation out in just a few seconds, to no avail. He came up blank, heart racing, eyes screwed shut. "It's just that I…"

More stalling, and he whined, deciding he wouldn't be able to say it, and opting instead to just show Reiner what he meant. He hated to be scantily clad when he was very likely to be thrown out in the next moment, but when telling failed, he had to show.

Reiner looked confused when he started pulling his shirt up, and the expression stayed in place even when it'd been removed and was being clutched at Bertholdt's side, just in case he needed to scramble to get it back on.

The blond just stared for a while, taking in the stiff fabric and the clasps, and put together what must surely be underneath.

"Oh-" He breathed, his eyes lighting up with understanding as he realized what he was staring at. Bertholdt shuffled his feet, switching his weight between them a few times, unsure of if that was a bad or good reaction. At least he wasn't going into attack mode, yet.

"I-I really should have mentioned it, I know. It's just that I-" He began, but Reiner cut him off with a raised hand, signaling he wanted him to stop. The taller did just that, clamping his lips together.

Here it comes. He's going to throw you out. He's going to tell you how disgusting you are. He doesn't want you. No one wants you.

"So, you're female to male, right?" Reiner asked, cutting through the anxiety easily enough. Bertholdt's eyes snapped up to find his.

"U-um, y-yeah." He agreed, fingers subconsciously fidgeting with his binder, not sure if he should put his shirt back on or not. Reiner wasn't throwing him out yet, so maybe… Maybe this could work out.

Yeah right. Nothing works out for you. Who could want something like you?

"Well, I can't say I've got any experience in the department, but that doesn't mean I'm against getting some." The blonde finally proffered, shrugging.

Bertholdt wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry, but he didn't do either, just sort of stood in shock, not even able to look the other man in the eyes. No one ever reacted that well, not even Marco. Was Reiner real? Was he dreaming?

When he did finally manage to look up, he found a reassuring smile on the other's lips, and if he wanted to cry before, he wanted to sob now, especially as he was enveloped in arms yet again, pressed to a warm chest and kissed against the wall.

It was a strange dance they did, trying not to let their mouths separate as they picked their way back to what had to be the bedroom. It was probably more trouble than it was worth, but Bertholdt loved the taste of the blonde on his tongue too much to let it go willingly.

It didn't take too long to reach their destination, despite a few stumbles as a result of their passionate stubbornness, and Bertholdt let himself be walked towards a bed. He didn't have enough time to look and see if it was a full or a queen, but reasoned it didn't matter as he was pushed down onto it, the muscles in his back straining as his legs dangled over the side. Reiner followed him down, lips slotted together and hands trailing between the bottom of the binder and the top of his pants.

He pulled back, but his hand kept tracing that intoxicating pattern, and he looked down at Bertholdt carefully.

"So, it sort of dawned on me-" Was the beginning of his sentence, and Bertholdt felt his stomach drop.

Dawned on me that you're not a man. That I can't do this. That I want you to leave.

"That we should probably set up some boundaries. I've never done this with a guy like you, so I sort of need you to tell me what's okay and what isn't." He explained, looking sheepish.

Bertholdt really did cry this time, hands coming up to shield his face from those gorgeous golden eyes as he bit back a sob.

"B-Bertl?" Reiner stuttered, now flustered. "Hey, are you alright? Did I say something wrong?"

And now he was laughing, a giddy, airy sound.

"No, no, you said something right." He promised, cheeks flushing with something between embarrassment and elation. "I'm just kind of baffled that you actually exist." He admitted.

Reiner flashed a bright grin, straightening up and clamoring onto the bed, sitting down and helping Bertholdt into a similar posture. They were quiet a while, then Reiner cleared his throat.

"Alright, so, I need to know what sorts of things I shouldn't say. I don't want to say the wrong thing and totally turn you off or hurt your feelings. So, uh, anything super sensitive that I should be aware of?" He wondered. Bertholdt gave it some thought.

"Well, um, it's probably pretty obvious, but please, don't tell me that I'm not really a man." He requested. "It should be common knowledge, but a lot of guys think that transmen are into having their masculinity undermined, thanks to the porn industry." He explained. "But most of us hate it, actually. It's one of the worst things you can do."

Reiner nodded, one hand, seemingly unable to contain itself, brushing against Bertholdt's hipbone. It was distracting, but Bertholdt had to try and remember everything that got under his skin.

"Any physical things I should know?" Reiner prompted. Bertholdt felt his face getting hot again.

"O-Oh, um… Well, do you know how things… Down there work?" He asked, covering his face with his hands. He heard Reiner chuckle.

"I have a decent idea. Once upon a time, I thought I was straight, so I'll figure it out." He promised. "But is there anywhere I shouldn't touch? Do you want to keep the… Binder? Is that the right word? Yeah, it definitely is." He confirmed to himself. "Do you want to keep the binder on? And I mean, awkward question, I know, but how do you want to do this?"

Bertholdt felt his lungs constricting even further, and couldn't decide if it was because he'd been reminded yet again of the confining fabric, or because this was the hardest conversation he'd probably ever had. But then, he was glad he was having it.

"It… It can come off. It actually gets a little hard to breathe if I have it on during sex. Or anything physical, really. Running is terrible." He groused, fingering at the clasps. "And, um… I don't mind…" It was probably a good thing he was always hot anyway, because he was definitely sweating now, and it'd likely be obvious if that wasn't his typical demeanor. "Penetration." He finally finished, burying his face in his knees.

Reiner didn't say anything, just continued with the feather-light touches. He waited for Bertholdt to reemerge from his hiding place, leaning over to kiss him briefly before pulling back again.

"Alright, one more thing, gorgeous." He cooed, bringing about another flush. "How should I refer to… Down there?" He asked, gesturing to the crotch of Bertholdt's jeans.

The taller man made a noise that probably wasn't human, because, Christ, that was the question he always dreaded the most.

"U-Um, you can pretty much say anything. I prefer male terms, but I know that's not always possible. Just, you know, don't constantly say 'vagina' and we'll probably be fine." He offered, refusing eye contact. He could see Reiner nod from his peripheral, though.

"Okay, I think I've got it. If I fuck up, though, tell me. No matter what it is." He stressed, and Bertholdt nodded quickly. They were really doing this. Reiner wanted him.

And almost like they had simply hit pause to hash out the details, Reiner pressed him back down into the sheets, resuming his opened mouth kisses and roaming hands. He pulled back to take off his shirt, and he did away with his pants as well before tugging at Bertholdt's. They came off without too much trouble, discarded somewhere to be forgotten until morning, hopefully.

Bertholdt was more interested in drinking in the sight of Reiner's body. Now that it was mostly bare, the muscles that made it up were even more obvious, and even more attractive. He could snap him in two if he really wanted to, and that sent a jolt of excitement down his core, raising goose bumps down his arms.

Reiner took noticed, grinning cockily as his fingers danced along the clasps of the binder. He quirked a brow, asking permission, and Bertholdt nodded, breath hitching when the first one came undone with a quiet click. The sound was repeated till the whole thing fell open, and his whole upper body sagged from the release, his lungs drinking in a deep breath and expanding to full capacity, stretching out against ribs that'd been crushed for too many hours.

Reiner gave him a moment to sort out how to breathe again, then he carefully looped the loose side over his head, then pulled the fabric away.

The air felt cold to his skin that had been wrapped up all day, and the contrast made him shudder. It felt strange to be exposed so openly, but Reiner seemed intrigued, eyes carefully darting between Bertholdt's eyes and his chest.

"Is it okay if I touch?" The blonde asked, waiting till he'd received a nod before letting his hands smooth over Bertholdt's stomach and up his chest, palms easily cupping the flesh. Bertholdt sucked in a breath, toes curling. Hours in a binder left the area touch sensitive, and the rare sensation of a reverent touch was sending jolts of pleasure down his spine.

"R-Reiner-" He gasped, covering his face in embarrassment. The blonde kissed the backs of his hands till he removed them, smiling when he finally had his lover's attention.

"Don't cover up that handsome face." He bid, planting a kiss to his lips before trailing his mouth down to lick at a dark nipple. Bertholdt would have flushed red if he wasn't so busy choking on a moan, arousal spiking in his underwear. Reiner didn't miss it, sucking leisurely at the pert flesh while a hand trailed down and cupped at the curve of his sex.

He pulled back in mild confusion, though, glancing downwards.

"Uh, I thought-" He began, and Bertholdt blinked dreamily for a moment, snapping back to attention as he realized the confusion.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I forgot. It's just my packer." He explained, sitting up to remove it from the underwear, awkwardly craning to sit it down on top of his pants which hadn't been forgotten until morning, unfortunately. Reiner watched this with a look of fascination, which was a lot better than disgust, at least, but quickly returned to his ministrations, starting again with the nipples and waiting till Bertholdt was gasping again to trail his hand down once more, this time meeting the true goal through the fabric.

Berthold keened as fingers immediately sought out the most sensitive part, rubbing a little roughly, the friction wiping his mind of any thought other than 'yes.' But he couldn't even say that, his vocal chords only producing broken moans as his thighs twitched, alternating between tensing and falling open.

"R-Reiner!" He cried, biting his lip in a bid to calm himself down. He still had his underwear on, and yet, he was already coming undone. And coming, a wet spot accumulating just below where the blonde's finger was working.

"That good, Bertl?" The other asked, letting the abused nipple fall from his mouth at last. Bertholdt could only nod, hands fisting in the sheets in hopes it would help him maintain some sort of control over himself. His lover smiled, trailing kisses down his ribs and stomach, over his hipbones and then they were replacing his fingers and Bertholdt was screaming but no sound was coming out.

It was impossible for Reiner to know for certain that his new lover liked getting sucked off, but he'd taken a lucky guess. Even if it was just kisses through the fabric, the mere proximity had the brunette arching, ready to beg for more if he had to.

But Reiner took the hint, carefully easing the fabric down his legs, dropping it just as carelessly to the floor before allowing himself to take in the sight for a moment. It was pretty rare that Bertholdt laid himself out like that, and it was a bit unnerving to be so bare in front of someone, but Reiner kept anything he thought to himself, resuming his position and pressing another kiss to the same spot, the feeling electric in the absence of a barrier.

Bertholdt whined, rolling his hips on reflex as he sought more sensation. The blonde paused though, sitting back again with an expression of curiosity once again.

"This seems pretty big." He commented, thumb rubbing against what had once been a clit. Bertholdt bit back a moan in favor of a response.

"Y-yeah, I started T a few years ago." He offered, though that didn't seem to help Reiner's understanding. "Testosterone. When you start it, it can make that p-part grow a bit. Most people call it a T-Cock." He elaborated, and the blonde nodded, storing the information somewhere in his mind before bending back over and laving his tongue over the spot until Bertholdt was writhing.

He pulled back, lips smacking, glistening with saliva and probably a fair amount of Bertholdt's come. Bertholdt's hips stuttered at the absence of sensation, eyes flying open to question the pause, eyes meeting playful gold.

"You look good like this." The blonde commented, licking his lips. Bertholdt whined, his legs twitching, wanting to close but unable to, since Reiner was still positioned between them. "You're so wet." He added, tracing a finger around the brunette's entrance, the path slick. Bertholdt shivered.

"Please-" he breathed, trembling. Reiner chuckled, the sound coming out extra husky, sending another jolt of want down the taller man's core, resting somewhere low in his abdomen. He tensed when a finger found its way inside of him, working cautiously at first, but then easily finding a rhythm and hooking in search of his sweet spot.

"This okay?" Reiner inquired, curling his fingers in just the right way and earning a loud moan, grinning in victory, knowing he'd found his prize.

"O-oh-" Bertholdt groaned, back arching when it happened again. "Yes!"

Reiner fingered him for a while, eventually leaning down to recommence the sucking of his cock, bringing him all the way to the brink before extracting himself entirely, leaving the brunette in a frustrated state of near-orgasmic arousal. He'd been so close, just one more lick would have done him in. Reiner seemed to know it too, for he looked pretty smug.

He left his lover panting in bed while he got up and opened the drawer of his nightstand, extracting a condom. Before he returned, he pursed his lips.

"Lube?" He inquired, and Bertholdt shook his head, draping an arm over his eyes as anticipation welled in his stomach again. He felt the mattress dip as Reiner sat down, and he heard the ripping and crinkling of the condom package. It wasn't long before there were hands on him again, fingers trailing up and down his sides, almost ticklish, and lips on his.

"Let me know if you need to stop, or if you want me to slow down, or change positions… Anything." The bigger man requested, waiting till he received a nod before even moving from his spot next to Bertholdt's ear.

For all his eagerness to start, Reiner moved with an affectionate slowness, touches feather-light and reverent as he traveled once more down the expanse of the brunette's body, spending an intimate moment with each inch that he passed.

He looked up, stroking Bertholdt's thigh slowly, a small smile on his lips.

"Ready?" He inquired, and it took everything Bertholdt had not to tell him to get on with it. He opted to just nod frantically, spreading his legs as far as he comfortably could. Reiner took his cue, lining up and beginning the process of pushing in. It went in easier than he'd probably been expecting, for his eyes widened when he found himself already buried to the hilt.

"Shit, I forgot how much easier it is." He laughed, and Bertholdt managed a smile as well. "It probably helps that you're practically dripping, though." He added, lips quirking. The noise Bertholdt made was almost as embarrassing as the comment, but it went ignored as Reiner rolled his hips, slowly, and it became all Bertholdt could think about.

They found something of a rhythm, rocking a bit slowly for the taller's taste, but he kept it to himself. It wasn't bad, just not quite enough. But that wasn't new.

"How are you doing?"

The question threw him off, and his eyes snapped open.

"O-Oh, um, I'm alright." He replied sheepishly, unsure exactly what was being asked of him.

"Is it good for you?" Reiner prompted, fingers brushing the brunette's stomach, a shiver following in their wake.

He nodded, though it was obvious that Reiner wasn't satisfied.

"Bertl, I told you to talk to me. I need you to tell me what you want." He urged. Bertholdt let out a slow breath, uncovering his eyes.

"Um… Faster, please." He requested, brows knit. Reiner smiled though, and complied, picking up the pace. And it was already better, had him arching off the bed again in a desperate bid to prolong the contact.

"Better?" The blonde wondered.

"Yes!" Bertholdt cried as Reiner found that spot inside him, hands fidgeting restlessly in search of something to cling to. The larger man guided them around his neck, and Bertholdt clung maybe a little too tight.

He'd expected Reiner to work him up a bit, come, and maybe help him get off with a finger, or perhaps another blow job, but he was actually lasting long enough that Bertholdt was reaching the peak just from the penetration, even rarer than someone who still wanted him after he came out as transgender.

"B-Bertl-" The blonde grunted, arms looping under his lover's back and pulling him up till they were chest to chest, still rocking against each other. "Please tell me you're close." He groaned, squeezing the taller's slender waist maybe a little too tight.

"Y-Yeah." Bertholdt confirmed, mirroring the embrace around Reiner's neck, burying his face in flaxen locks. Reiner sort of nodded, as much as he could with Bertholdt's arms around his neck, then carefully squeezed a hand between them, finding Bertholdt's cock again and rubbing with the perfect amount of pressure to have Bertholdt's head spinning, his legs wrapping around muscular hips and squeezing there as well.

"O-oh, Reiner!" He gasped, his hips stuttering and bucking unevenly as the extra stimulation gave him an extra wave of pleasure. It wasn't long before he crumbled over the edge with a soundless scream, mouth open but vocal chords unable to produce the proper sound.

He was vaguely aware of Reiner following, but he was a little too dazed to really register it, his mind sort of going blank for a while. The next thing he was aware of was being drawn into strong arms, head guided to Reiner's chest. He let out a little hum, shifting so he could better fit against the blonde's side, before reaching for the sheets and pulling them up to his armpits.

He spared a glance up at his lover, the man looking drowsy but pleased, offering a lazy smile and running his fingers through the short, dark hair atop Bertholdt's head. He craned his neck to kiss his forehead, then reached to turn the lamp off, just barely managing to snag the cord and tug, plunging them into darkness.

Bertholdt let out a pleased sigh, shifting to his side, letting his hand rest against Reiner's abdomen, comforted by the consistent rise and fall. He felt like there was something he was forgetting, which meant he was definitely forgetting something, but it could wait till morning. The world could wait till morning.

For now, he just wanted to be wrapped up in arms that didn't care about what he had inside his pants. And, smiling just a bit to himself, he knew he'd found them.

**Author's Note:**

> Where did this come from? Not even I know the answer to that question. I think maybe it was born from my need of exactly something like this. You see, thanks to the fantastic cousinnick, there's a shit load of transJean in the world, which is fantastic. But for whatever reaon, my wee heart wanted some transBertl.
> 
> To my utter disappointment, upon searching the archive, I was met with no results! Isn't that terrible? Perhaps I overlooked something, but I've not been able to find any transBertl reading material.
> 
> And here we are.
> 
> This actually came really easy to me, so I think it's safe to say that I can relate pretty well to Bertholdt's character. I suppose I can be a pretty nervous person sometimes.
> 
> Anyway, if there are any mistakes, especially in regards to the transgender parts, please do tell me. I did my best to be accurate, but some things are incredibly hard to research. So if you catch anything seriously off, let me know!
> 
> Alright, I have to wake up at 6 in the AM tomorrow for work, so off to bed with me. Thanks to anyone who read, I appreciate it, and feedback is the best thing you could ever do for me!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


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